My Journey

It's been a roller-coaster to say the least, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. All of it has led me to where I am today. 

If you feel frustrated, hopeless, angry, unfulfilled or unhappy but don't know where to start, I hope reading the below helps you to know that you're not alone and gives you confidence to just take that first next step of reaching out to someone for help.

If I can turn things around, you most definitely can too! 

Thanks for reading this far.

With love,

Sonal 

The Child Carer & People-Pleaser

 

When I was 8, I became a co-carer for my aunt who was left brain-damaged years earlier. As an only child, I was looking forward to having company and looking after someone.  The excitement didn't last long.

Her condition deteriorated and our lives became a struggle. Looking after her got harder, and I was witness to multiple violent events almost daily for 15 years. Dealing with the usual growing pains on top of that started to take its toll on me. I lost my self-esteem and found myself in the habit of going out of my way to fit in, be liked and feel appreciated.

I kept myself busy working on things more than I needed to, something that amplified over the years and spilled into my corporate life, my businesses and friends circles.

The Uni Drop-Out & Chronic Over-worker

 

At 19 - I walked out of university realising it wasn't for me. 

I applied for jobs and, with no relevant work experience, received two job offers that kickstarted my 22 year career working with the likes of Goldman Sachs, HSBC, UBS, Barclays, KPMG, PWC amongst many others. It was was what led me to eventually set up my own business,

At 20, I fell into jewellery making, studied a diploma in jewellery manufacturing after work and set up two brands that featured in the likes of Vogue Italy, UK and India, Harpers Bazaar UK and China, Grazia UK and India and GQ that kept me close to my creative side for 18 years, but also made my already busy life much busier.

The Victim &

The Martyr

 

My aunt died when I was 23. Six months later, the stress took it's toll on my Dad and he joined her. I felt like I lost my chance for closure. I was angry, grieving, felt misunderstood and alone.

I found comfort in overworking and completely neglected my health and family, working up to 18 hours a day with little sleep. But I continued to take on more or help others, only to resent it later and wear it like a badge of honour.

At 30, I started experiencing violent flashbacks that left me disoriented and re-living my traumas each time they happened. As they increased, so did my resistance to accepting it and ignoring all the signs that I was severely burning out.

To everyone else I was a successful solopreneur managing three business while in corporate who easily found work 

But I was struggling. I felt overwhelmed, under-valued, hard done by, thought others had life easier than me and that no-one understood me or what I'd been through.

The Trauma Warrior

 

It took a huge breakdown at 36 to make me realise that it was no-one else's responsibility to understand or make sense of my past or to save me but mine, so I sought professional help.

A psychotherapist confirmed that I had Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it was that diagnosis that helped me feel more free. 

What I wanted from life changed in an instant and I wanted to be the one guiding it. But I had zero clue  where to start. 

For the first time, I invested in myself, with coaches and an incredible trauma therapist (Nikki Scheiner).

I learned to set healthy boundaries, move on from the past, let go of friendships and activities that were toxic or no longer served me. I felt free to be in control of my life and to start creating the life that I wanted for myself.

It's amazing how even achieving simple things in life can feel impossible when we blame our outcomes on others or things outside of our control. 

I have no idea how my businesses survived, but I do know that it's down to my therapists and coaches that I am here today and thriving.

The Coach, Consultant & Healing Practitioner

 

I was a complete sceptic. But when a holistic therapist helped me to reduce my high stress levels, it was Reiki that brought the most shifts. So much so, I trained in it myself. With my curiosity elevated, I went on to train in esoteric and metaphysical healing. 

I'm now an initiate of ancient mystery school lineages where I've learned powerful and sacred practices, rituals and healing modalities that I bring in to help my clients like it's helped me.

The business owners I helped streamline their businesses for started to approach me for personal coaching,  and after seeing the outcomes they achieved, I decided to become certified. In 2022 I did just that.

I have my own coaches who keep me in check so that my clients get the best of me for life-changing results.

My coaching is  "evidence-based" and action driven while honouring and respecting the space I hold for my clients. 

I've always been fascinated by human behaviour and neuroscience, so I'm currently working through my MSc Psychology & Neuroscience of Mental Health at King's College to satisfy my inner geek :)

I've spoken a heck of a lot about me, but the reason why I focus on working with men, is actually more about my Dad and his journey. You can read that below

Why I coach mostly men

 

The enormous pressures my Dad put himself under and the things he felt responsible for hugely impacted both mine and my mums life. The hardest thing to face was that it was those pressures that took him away from us too soon. 

The signs were there. The outbursts, tiredness, feelings of emptiness and not being enough. But he just continued to push through, internalise how he felt and project.

I was a kid when he was made redundant but I remember that at the same time, looking after my aunt became more strenuous. In a few months, his highly paid and demanding job was snatched away and replaced with unfamiliar but duty bound roles that didn't tie in with the version of a "man" that he was brought up with or that society dictated.

He was a carer, he had his child and wife helping him. After some time at home, he found a job closer to home that went a little way to feeling significant again, but not enough.

Once my aunt died and he had retired, the years of emotional trauma and stress caught up with him. He had a severe heart attack when I was 23 and in a moment, we lost the time we were hoping we'd have together that we never got when I was a child. 

His story isn't the only one though. Over the years I've seen so many men   - friends, colleagues and relatives - do everything to avoid what they need to do. Put themselves first. 

They feel that, as men, they don't have a right to speak up. That people will see them as less of a "man", a burden, weak and unable to provide for their families.

The need to feel loved, wanted, fulfilled and have a meaningful life isn't gender specific. We forget that as a society, and that needs to change. 

My mission is to help more men take back control,  unapologetically create the life they deserve and realise that by living life better, they better the lives of the ones they love too.

 

If you're curious to find out more and see if I can help, book your 15 minute breakthrough with me here

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