Please-Pleasers : A Simple Step to Saying NoJun 01, 2022
That feeling when you just KNOW, you don't want to agree something.....and then your mouth has other ideas.
Saying yes to everything and everyone leads to serious problems further down the line. And I totally get it. If you've read my story, you'll know that this was me for years and years. But it's time to stop.
Many people struggle with the desire to please others at the expense of their own needs. This can be a difficult habit to break, but it's important to learn how to do it if you want a better life.
If you're a people-pleaser, chances are that you're used to putting other people's needs above your own. You might do this because you want to be liked or accepted, or because you feel like it's your duty to help others.
Whatever the reason, it's important to realise that people-pleasing is not healthy for either you or the people you're trying to please. When you always put someone else's needs first, it can lead to resentment and burnout for you.
Additionally, people-pleasers have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, which can leave them feeling like they're never appreciated or taken advantage of.
So, how can you stop people-pleasing?
There is so much emotion that goes into that little word "no". You worry about what someone will think, if they'll be upset, if it will lead to an argument, if you'll end up friendless. So let's flip that.
What if you were to ask yourself this instead? What's the impact to me if I said yes when I really want to say no? What's the REAL price I'm going to pay if I say yes? Because once you're clear on WHY you're saying no - the easier it will become.
I'll be doing more posts on this as it's such a vast topic, but to get you started with a simple step try this:
Identify why you feel the need to please others. Once you know what's driving your behaviour, you can start to make changes. And if you're struggling to say no, try practicing with small requests first.
Let's say someone asks you to do a favour that you don't really want to do, don't answer straight away, and if you feel like you need to pause, start by saying "I'll come back to you" or just not replying immediately. This way you give yourself room to breathe and think about what you will be giving up by saying yes.
Once you get clear on why you're saying no and are comfortable with that - it becomes easier to actually say it.
Once you're ready to reply - instead of saying no - you can just say "I'm not able to at the moment" . It might feel awkward initially, but the more you practice, the easier it gets.
It's okay to put your needs first. You don't have to be available around the clock or accommodate people at your expense, especially if you're not up for doing something.
People-pleasing is unbelievably common, but absolutely not impossible to overcome if you put in the time and effort. By learning to identify and set boundaries, you can start to put yourself first without feeling guilty. And remember, it's okay to say no sometimes! Your needs are just as important as the needs of others.
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